Thursday, December 19, 2002 :::
i bet youre glad that scary picture below is not the first thing you see on this page anymore huh? I sure am. Anyway....i lost the battle to procrastination today...but it's okay, cause I've completely come to terms with the fact that if I fail my chem quiz tomorrow, it's no one's fault but my own. ....Ha, yeah right, wait till that college rejection letter comes rolling my way come Spring. Then I'll really kill myself. Anyhoo....i've come to complain once again that boys suck. Why is it that I CONSTANTLY attract guys I have no interest for?! Why am I a magnet for weirdos?? There are tons of other guys I would happily recieve attention from but noooooo its weirdos galore when it comes to me. Cruel, i tell you. Just cruel. Speaking of guys....why can't I ever find any good ones? And I mean, really, really good ones? I'm not hard to please. Really. All I want is: * Someone who will make me laugh. Funnyness. That's really all I care about. Once you can do that, you already have a hell of higher chance than the rest of the world's male population. * Cuteness. Yes I'm a sucker for dorks. *hangs head* But really...it takes a real man to act so straight-gay if you know what i mean LOL * Intelligence. There are some guys who only know how to talk about boobs and cars. That's boring AND annoying as hell. * Physical Cuteness. Okay this is just a small factor. Seriously, I'm not trying to be politically correct here. I don't really care if you look like Adonis, as long as you have loads of the first three. But you know....being physically cute doesn't hurt either :D Perfection's not needed. See, that's why I love Nick. Everyone always tells me, "Ew, why do you like Nick, he's so chunky now." Do I really care if his body's not like Vin Diesel's? Hell no, cause he makes me laugh and he's dorky cute and he's smart. SO THERE.
Right Now I'm... Listening to: ... Feeling: TIRED AS HELL!
Saturday, December 07, 2002 :::
Remember how I said Jacob from O-Town was hot and rugged? I think I was having a bout of temporary blindness cause I want to take it back. Why, you ask? Look at this picture please...
Uh huh. I rest my case.
Right Now I'm... Listening to: some crappy dance song on the radio. Feeling: lazy
Thursday, December 05, 2002 :::
Holy crapness, I just noticed someone actually POSTED A COMMENT after my last post on Friday!! This, is definitely cause for celebration!! Amy darling, you just made my DAY. That crappily dappily feeling I was just having 2 seconds ago is surprisingly all gone now LOL See how wonderful it is when people comment? Go. Do it. NOWWWWWWWWWW muahahahahah I love you all.
People don't seem to understand the meaning of DND - Do. Not. Disturb. Unless I absolutely ADORE talking to you, i'm gonna be pissed if you message me for no reason when i'm on DND. I know, I know, I shouldn't be on ANYWAY but...well...let's just say i'm stupid and the computer is evil. I'm stressed like hell right now...I'm taking my SAT IIs on saturday and I don't think I can do it. I wasn't happy with my score in Literature last time so I was thinking about taking French instead this week. I thought it would be a piece of cake but I just did a practice test this afternoon and i felt like crying. I didn't know half the words and i gave up after half a freakin hour. It was horrible. And I suck at math so that's even worse. I don't even know how to pull up my score cause studying ain't going to work. You either got it or you don't. I don't. I just can't see shapes and crap the way other people do. *sigh* Then tonight was the band concert. Of course my mic decided to fail on me while I did my little MC speech and that wasn't cool. My music teacher's going to have a field day with that one for the next two months lmao. And I gotta go see him tomorrow morning so he can write me reference letters too. Oooh that's going to be SUCH a blast. If we had Ben & Jerry's in Canada, I'd totally be eating some right now. *whimper*
Right Now I'm... Listening to: ........ Feeling: Crappily Dappily.
Friday, November 29, 2002 :::
Did my last post scare you? It scared me lmao Don't worry your pretty little head though, it was just my mood-swing-crazy-PMS talking. Anyhoo...after dinner today I went to the supermarket and checked out the People Magazine Sexiest Men Alive issue. I wanted it. Really, really, REALLY badly. But...$6 for a skimpy little magazine wasn't my cup of tea so I had to resort to reading some of it while hiding behind the magazine racks LOL I read the articles on Ben and James Blake (the guy is a hottie...yum! And he went to Harvard too - when I read that, his appeal skyrocketed all the way from probably 10th on my list to the top 5 lmao). But Ben was named the sexiest man alive for this year so he got the 5-page article...all i can say is that it's absolutely DISGUSTING how perfect this man is. It's sick. Completely, utterly, makes-me-wanna-puke sick. Men like him are not supposed to exist, dammit. Totally screws with my mind, i tell you.
Right Now I'm... Listening to: The Chanukah Song Part II - Adam Sandler Feeling: 8 Craaaaaazy Nights! I *heart* him.
Tuesday, November 26, 2002 :::
Ever have one of those really sucky, crappy, makes-you-wanna-curl-up-and-die days? The kind of day where nothing is really going THAT wrong (as in, it could be much worse - i.e. it could have rained today) BUT you still feel absolutely horrible? Yeah...I'm having one of those days right now. And it sucks. I'm not a person who gets depressed very easily. Why? Cause I find people who pity themselves to sometimes be highly annoying. Sorry, but man...it's true lmfao I mean, yeah everyone has a right to be depressed but some people take it too far without having a real reason to. But that's another story for another day. Right now, I'm in need of a temporary lack of sanity. Yes, that's right, I'm going to go ahead, annoy myself, and have a nice, purging self-pity fest! Fun! So...I don't consider myself a needy person (as you've probably seen in my top ten list a few posts ago, those kinda people are pretty darn high on my People Who Annoy Me List too.) But by gosh, I'm afraid I'm starting to become one. And that scares the HELL outta me. I'm a very independent person. I do not like the thought of me actually having to depend on other people for my happiness. But lordy...I'm starting to think I do. Cause right now...I'm feeling kinda worthless. I have no idea who I am and that's just...not a good thing. Where do I belong? I have friends. Not a lot but that's okay. There are a total of three, yes THREE, that I can safely say that I trust fully. There is only one that I can say that I would trust with my life, and I have for the past 5 years. I tell her everything and I know I can count on her. I think it's safe to say that she's the reason I've made it this far in high school. When everything and everyone was changing, she's the person who stayed the same. You know how they say you don't realize how much you need something until it's gone? Yeah, that's kind of how I'm feeling right now. Lately, it seems like said friend has not had much time for me lately. Or that she doesn't really care all that much about me anymore, and would prefer spending time with other people. (God, this is starting to sound like a freaking RELATIONSHIP lmao) In any case...I didn't think I depended on her so much but dammit, I do. And I didn't want to say it but it hurts knowing that I need her more than she needs me. Who am I supposed to turn to if she, my rock, doesn't have time for me anymore? Sure, I could turn to Friends 2 and 3 but it won't come close to being a little bit the same. She was like my other half. *sigh* Next on my journey through self-pity is school and other related matters. So much is piling on right now and I don't know what to do with myself. How am I supposed to tackle all of this? I can't. It's just not physically possible. I'm so ambitious that sometimes, I don't think it's good for me. I want to go to a university in the states - but living in Canada, it's going to be so hard to get into a competitive school. Studying for the SATs is taking up so much of my life already. Then I took a look at some of the university applications...and I started thinking that maybe I'm being incredibly naive. Seriously, who do I think I am? I'm a great student - but hardly the best. I can't compete with millions of other teenagers who probably are the best and also have American citizenship on their side. My SAT scores aren't high enough. I can't answer the application questions. I don't have enough extracurriculars. What am I doing?! I don't have money growing from trees in my backyard so why am I bothering to pay hundreds of dollars to take the SATs and apply to a US university when my actual chances of getting in are likely to be less than 5% (and that ain't no exaggeration either.) Why am I still trying?! I want to be a journalist. But damn, I'm not good enough to be one of those. I'm not that girl at my school whose writing everybody raves about. When people think of a good writer, they don't think of me. My friends don't, my teachers don't, the mice that live in the school don't. And that my friends, does nothing for a girl with high hopes. And it does even more nothing for a girl who feels like she's not good enough for anything. Yeah, I'm a great, well-rounded person. But you need to be the best to succeed. Good at a lot of things don't get you a job, unless you want to be a $7/hour gofer. If writing is my strength and that's taken away from me, what do I have? I don't even LOOK GOOD so I can't become some retard's housewife! Gosh, you'd think the Man above would have cut me some slack and at least made me pretty but nooo He's too busy laughing his butt off. So I've now officially wasted half an hour of precious study time ranting and I believe it's time to go. But trust me, people - it ain't over till the fat lady sings. Or something.
Right Now I'm... Listening to: the voices inside my head lmao Feeling: like I want to sleep for days and wake up when I'm 25 so that all this will be behind me.
Sunday, November 24, 2002 ::: Your Room -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Window: Your Attitude Your choice of the blue sky reveals a person who is very much a cheery optimist. You regularly exhibit "soft, airy, fluffy" behaviour, expressed as a magical metamorphism into weird and wonderful new shapes (as the wind blows). In all your endeavours you need room to breathe, frequently telling others to "Relax. Let's blue sky some ideas." As valiantly sunny as you are, you do have a darker side. You store up pain until you burst into tears while the heavens ring out with songs such as, "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head". Although your eye is fixed on the horizon, deep in your inner self you may have a secret wish to be a flight attendant, (coffee, tea or me) while watching blue movies and crying the blues with Ella Fitzgerald. The Pictures: Your Relationships Revealing an adventurous, possibly madcap person who scavenges friends and relations from the scrap-metal heap of life and then through superior insight helps them to realize their fine talents so they too may soar above the clouds in riveting pirouettes of grace and death-defying stunts. The Garbage: Your Problems Problems come and go in your life but they do not cause you undue stress. You relax in the knowledge that you have an enduring, attractive and stylish response to the detritus of life. Your supreme confidence frees you from convention. Problems need not be hidden from sight but rather are handled in a transparent, translucent and effortless manner. You are on your way to achieving guru status for your wise handling of life's problems. The Clock: Your Future Your future is that of a visionary, imagining scenarios for the next millennium. You may find yourself at home in an expansive industrial space,or marking time in a future warped out of a Douglas Coupland novel. Guard against your tendency for depression at your core. It is pronounced and evident to all. While this could cause consternation your off-beat sense of yourself redefines your concave, pillowy body as a life saving buoy fed solely on peanut butter thumbprint cookies. Your hands continually caress your external self causing others to accuse you of an inflated ego, but you know that time will pass and prove you to be right on.
Right Now I'm... Listening to: Summertime - Aaron Carter ft. Baha Men (i swear i'm not a teeny, really.) Feeling: like i wanna laugh out loud :)
Thursday, November 21, 2002 ::: Cute huh? I thought I was gonna end up with Help Me...thank the good lord that I didn't lmao Anyway...what's new....nothing really. In general, the male population is still causing me problems but what can you do right? lol
Right Now I'm... Listening to: Drowning - Backstreet Boys (i *heart* this song!) Feeling: weird...